so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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