I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
