how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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