Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
