my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
