if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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