I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
