i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
