he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
