another moral hangover. fuck.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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