u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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