we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
