Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize