Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
