You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
