I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
