i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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