But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
