I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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