I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
