I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
