I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize