dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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