i think my tv is drunk
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
