I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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