Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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