Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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