im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
