Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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