i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
