Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My liver just had a heart attack.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
