question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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