Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
