One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
