i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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