Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
