After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
pray to the hookup gods
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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