found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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