Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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