I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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