we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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