he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
