you traded sex for a burrito?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
