i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
