butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
