if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize