My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
