he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
