go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
