plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
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