Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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