Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
you never un-have a 4some
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
