I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
