Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I deserve this hangover.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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