dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
