You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
