i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
