handjob tips. give me some.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
