my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
