I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
