i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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