He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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