When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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