Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
