Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
