Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
